So sorry...

Well, it's been a while. And I apologize about that. The semester got away from me among other things. The main reason I haven't written in so long is because I was going through a bit of a slump spiritually. Mistakes happen, and I have a tendency to beat myself up more than one ought. But the real heart of the matter is that the Lord is faithful to heal and redeem, and He has. A precious friend shared a verse with me that I clung to through this challenging time. 

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to m

e and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." -Psalm 40:1-3

I am so blessed to have been able to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Although it is hard to see it at the time, there is always hope. There is always hope that God is working, He is using the difficult circumstances to bring us closer to him. I just recently finished reading The Shack by William P. Young, and if you haven't read it yet, I HIGHLY recommend it! It was nothing like what I expected it to be like, and about halfway through the book, I was unsure of if I wanted to keep reading. But I finished, and it was fabulous of course. I learned that God does not cause the difficult circumstances in our lives, but He use them for our good. I think this is a good thing to be able to understand if you are skeptical about Christianity. I think that the argument a lot of skeptics have is "why would a God that is sup

posed to be so good let all these bad things happen to His children?" Well, the book talks about how those bad things happen because we are a fallen people. When Adam and Eve ate of the Tree, evil entered the world. We now have death, and lying, and sickness, and sin. But those things aren't OF God. But if we cling to Him, He helps us through. 

One of the most beautiful things that I learned was that THIS is not the real world. I say things all the time like "ugh, I'm not ready for the real world" (BTW: one more semester of grad school! exciting? yes. scary? double yes.). But the reality is, THIS isn't the real world, Heaven is the real world. THAT is the place we were created for. The place where we get to have perfect communion with God, 24/7. The Shack paints a beautiful picture of what Heaven is going to be like. Is it true? I couldn't say, but it did get me pretty excited! 

So anyway, I apologize for the long break from the blog. I hope to be back in action now. I'm home right now in Chattanooga, spending some QT with John & Jan. And we leave Tuesday for Bequia (a Grenadine island in the Caribbean off of St. Vincent) and hopefully I'll have some sort of internet access with which I can keep yall updated. Bon Voyage!

Romans 8

28 I know God, that in everything that happens, Your good purpose is at work and will prevail! Everything will work out for the best because I am Your child who loves You! 29 Because You knew from the very beginning of time that I would be Yours, Your precious daughter. You chose me before the dawn of time to be with You and live in communion with your Spirit, among many more believers, Your children. 30 Those people, even me, You chose, You called us to You, You made us clean, wiped away our record, made us pure and worth of entering heaven's gates! 31 What should be my response to that?? 32 Because you gave up Your most precious belonging--Your Son--just for me. How can I do ANYTHING but live for you?? 33 Even Satan has no power against me, I cannot be condemned, because You have chosen me, Lord. 34 Instead, You chose to condemn Your Son, but here is yet a bright side to the story, You rose Him from the DEAD! Death was defeated! And now Christ takes our places, receives our punishment. But He is raised up to be with you, glorifed in Heaven. 35 NO POWER in heaven or earth can cause Your love to go away! Nothing can keep us apart! No life's troubles, not the hard stuff I go through, not those who might persecute me, not hunger, not nakedness, not poverty, nothing that threatens my life, NOTHING. 36 Even if I am on my deathbed, and death is knocking at my door, You and I cannot be kept apart. 37 You have made me even better than a CONQUEROR, because of Your loving kindness, Your Son Jesus. 38 Nothing, nothing, nothing can separate me from Your love, God!! Not man, nor Satan, nor anyone. Your love is all powerful, all encompassing, all protecting, with me 'til the end. Amen! Hallelujah!

Dreadlocks and peasant dresses? maybe not...

Well I was sitting in church today, and something the pastor said really stuck out to me. He said, “why do we care so much about what other people think?” Which is kind of a basic concept that everyone has probably heard about 1,000 times during their lifetime, but today it came alive to me in a new way. Because all these thoughts that pop into my mind when I enter in to a situation seem to be spurred from worrying about what the people I’m interacting with will think of me. Why do I care so much? Why am I not just one of those free spirits, with dirty hair and mismatched hemp clothing, who doesn’t care a lick about what I’m wearing or how I’m acting or what I’m saying, because I’m just free to be me. I’m so confident in who I am and what I’m about that the opinions of others are meaningless. And shouldn’t they be? Yes, to a point it is absolutely important to care what others think (a.k.a. supervisors, bosses, professors, I’ve touched on this before), but what good does it do me to worry about the other people? I only end up getting my feelings hurt, feeling like I don’t size up to others, or worse, thinking I’m better than others. Ew. What if I could begin to take steps in the direction of not caring so much what others believe about me. But just acting in a way that shows I’m only concerned about impressing my audience of One. Hmm… It might be a new goal I’m going to try out. 

I'm just me.

So, I learned some interesting things about myself today. Normally class activities aren't this exciting, but today in Communicative Interaction I was pumped. I have always felt like I don't really know who I am. I mean, I know who I am, but if I had to describe my personality or my tendencies and characteristic habits, I wouldn't have a clue what to say. We took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator today, and I just thought, "YES, this is my opportunity to understand more about myself." Why this was so exciting to me, I'm not so sure. I have taken a survey before, you know the blue, green, yellow, orange color personality test, and I know that My personality is about half orange (adventurous) and half blue (thoughtful). So I mean, that's pretty vague. But here's what I learned about myself today:

I am an Extrovert.
This means I'm friendly, talkative, easy to know. I express emotions (absolutely not a bottler). I NEED relationships. (That I might have been able to tell you, I'm very socially motivated). I am energized by other people. The only thing not extroverted about me is that reflect, then act. This comes in to play during my encounters with new people. I often find myself in a conversation with a new person, and I'm sitting there analyzing in excruciating detail what I should or should not say to this person in order to make a good impression. For instance, last night I was at church at the women's bible study kick off, and I was sitting next to this girl Julia. She and I have met once previously at our 20's life group's pot luck dinner and have had the brief get-to-know-you conversation. But here I am sitting next to this girl who is beautiful and in the working world and went to Ole Miss, and I'm wondering what the heck I'm supposed to say to make a positive impact with her. I'm thinking and thinking and thinking, and find myself just sitting in silence because I can't come up with anything I think she'd find interesting. We go through the preliminary questions once again, and I will say that I did try to put myself out there once again. Only this time is wasn't as successful, but I guess thats a risk you run, right? I explained to her that I wanted to join this 20s life group in order to get to know some girls better and hopefully have someone to go to church with, since I've been going by myself recently. All of this confession only to find out that she is actually Catholic and goes to a different church alltogether. Ahh well. You win some you lose some right? At least I tried!

Also, I am Intuiting (Intuitive?)
Basically I am not very practical or orderly. I look forward to the future, prefer imagining possibilities and being inventive, and like change and variety.

Next, I'm Feeling
I make decisions with my heart, am concerned with relationships and harmony, and am good at understanding people. I think that's part of the reason why I get my feelings hurt easily, but also why I am in this particular field. So again, you win some you lose some.

Finally, I'm Perceiving
I prefer flexibility, like going with the flow, LOVE surprises, and am last minute when it comes to deadlines.

I feel like this Test was really interesting and quite accurate in describing me. I'm thrilled to know more about myself and I hope that you are too! Ha!

So much blue :)

"I suggest traveling light
It's the only way to go
Whether you take the highway
Whether you take the byway
We'll always take the narrow road
Whether by sunshine
Whether by moonlight
Enjoy your view
That's something that
No one else can do for you

There are rolling green
Helps you've never seen
And there's so much blue
Waiting around the corner for you
So don't be too long
'Cause you're almost home
Just sing a pilgrim song
As you travel on

And put one foot in front of the other and
Pilgrim, you will soon discover that
There will be cold streams
When you're thirsty
There will be sunshine
Even in the clouds, so
Don't look back
Don't get side tracked
Just walk on

(chorus)

And pilgrim when you- you walk alone
Think about, sing about, dream about home
And pilgrim when you- you walk alone
Think about, sing about, dream about home"  --Pilgrim Song, by Josh Bales

So. Things are so good. It's my 2nd year of grad school, and I could not be more hopeful. Let me just name for you all the blessings the Lord has poured out recently: 

• I have a clinic placement at a hospital this semester, yay! I have been wanting to work in a hospital since I first decided on my major oh, 4 years ago. and I love it! I was a little nervous because I absolutely adore working with children, and honestly, adults make me a little nervous. But today was my 3rd day at HealthSouth, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm learning so much, and its all so interesting. One of the coolest things was last Friday I had to see this patient for a swallowing evaluation who had VRE, which is apparently some kind of antibiotic immune disease which is highly contagious, so I had to dress in a full gown, booties, gloves, face mask AND goggles. I felt so Grey's Anatomy. It was great. 
• My classes are GREAT. I'm taking Communicative Interaction (talking about how communication works, and mooshy gooshy feelings), Dysphagia (swallowing), and Autism. If you asked me last semester, I would have told you that I was so sick of school and temporarily hated my life. But now I have fabulous professors and interesting classes, and that makes school 8,000 times more enjoyable, PTL!
• I joined at 20's life group at Hope, the church where I've been going since the spring. I have absolutely love love loved this church, but it's been a little hard not having anyone to go with. But after attending a women's bible study this summer, the women's director connected me with this group and I'm pretty ecstatic about getting to know these girls better. 
• There are 3 new 1st years who have decided to join Laura & Mary Frances' and my bible study. It's just such a blessing to know that this small idea the Lord placed in me back in the fall last year has now just multiplied. I am so thrilled to be getting to know these girls better and growing alongside them. It makes me so happy to have these precious girls to fellowship with and to encourage and be encouraged by. The Lord is so good. 
• I went to dinner last week with a whole group of AUBURN people. WAR DANG EAGLE! It was all fellow believers, and it was so encouraging & reassuring to be around people who just know where you come from. And I got to reconnect with Cile, a girl I attended a freshman bible study with, and we also had dinner this week, which was so great. 
• I went home this past weekend for labor day, and got to spend 3 fabulous days on the river, soaking in the sun and spending time with my best friend Callie. She and I hadn't gotten to catch up in forever, so it was just such good time with her. 

I could probably go on and on. But those are the main things. All this to say, God is so good. This past year in Memphis, even though it was really tough, was necessary. It was not easy being away from my best friends in Auburn while they were all enjoying senior year. But now I'm seeing that the Lord was calling me to go through the desert land so I could get to the good stuff. Pilgrim Song by Josh Bales is one of my all time favorite songs. I can blast it in my car or dance like crazy in my room and it never gets old. It just absolutely speaks to my heart, and especially right now. I feel like this is the blue i've been waiting for. This is the sunshine after the clouds, the cold streams to quench my thirst. 

Praise be to God, I'm so so thankful. 

Psalm 23, my style...

1God you take care of my every need. You watch over me by day & by night. You are my comfort when I am scared. Anything I could ever need, You are always going to provide. 2You give me rest in You. You take me to the places in life that will cause me to grow and nourish my soul. 3 You make me new again everyday because of your great love and mercy. 4Even though things get really hard to handle, and everything seems hopeless when I'm under Satan's attack, I have nothing to fear. Satan has no stronghold over me because he has already been defeated! You are with me as my Protector and Guide every minute of the day. You give me comfort by wrapping your strong arms around me. 5You bless me all the time, even though there are some who may not like me, who try to bring me down. Your love and goodness will overflow from my heart onto others in my life; 6they will follow me for the rest of my days and continue to fill me up. You and I are in this for the long haul, we'll always be together. 

Pearls of thought.

So. I've been thinking about blogging again. It's weird (side note: it took me 22 years to figure out how to spell "weird," and I'm a stickler for spelling, go figure) how these hankerings come and go. I just feel like the Lord is stirring up a lot in me lately, and I've felt like I just want to share it. Who knows who actually reads these things, but, I'm putting my thoughts, my 'ruminations' if you will, out there, and I think that's kind of the point. I have a prayer journal in which a lot of my thoughts are captured, but a lot of those words are raw, unprocessed ideas and feelings and questions. Here is where I just want to simply express. I want this to be expression of God's greatness. I want to put into words the many ways I'm growing and learning and being stretched. (Maybe I just want to add another thing to the list of things that can distract me from grad school. It's possible. I should be studying for finals right now.) Anyway, thanks in advance for all who take time to journey with me wherever my heart and my mind may wander. God bless! :)