I haven't blogged since November, but my last post was about it too.
Thankfulness.
It seems to be a lesson I need to/have to/will keep learning over and over and over. This season of life, being home from the World Race, has been nothing if not hard. There has been so, SO much transition:
3rd World Countries to America.
Working as a missionary to working as a speech pathologist.
Living in tight-knit community to living in a house alone (for the first time ever!)
Having loads of time to spend in the Word to fighting for just a few moments.
Sleeping on floors and rickety bunk beds to a fluffy queen size bed (spoiled).
Showering every few days to... showering a little more often? (whoops!)
Not knowing what the next week, day, or hour will hold to having the next 3 months of my life filled up to the brim!
Dating to ENGAGED!
And through much of this transition I've felt burdened by the weight of all this change. I haven't known how to process it all or handle it all. I haven't known how to be the person I became this year in a world that is familiar but also unfamiliar. So much is the same as before I left, but so much is different.
Celebrating Christmas together for the first time!
So I'm learning.
I'm learning s l o w l y.
I'm learning how to balance busyness of work, planning a wedding, and preparing for marriage with time with the Father.
I'm learning how to take all the lessons and beautiful things God taught me this year and share them with people around me.
I'm learning to live out the changes that God has done in my heart and love people more boldly.
I'm learning to to be engaged; to communicate, love, and live life beside another person.
I'm learning how to have community and fellowship with people without living in the same room with them and working side-by-side every day.
I'm learning how to wrangle and care for my students who cuss at me, kick me, pull my hair, and spit in my face. (True story)
And I'm learning (again and again) to be thankful, even when things aren't so easy.
My morning devotional says, "be thankful in all circumstances."
The sermon at church says, "the foremost quality of a 'with God' life is gratefulness."
My fiancé listens to a podcast that says, "tell the people around you that you're thankful for them."
Could it be any more clear where I need to focus my attention?
Instead of focusing my energy on anxiety over the future, stress at work, or moments of loneliness, I should have an attitude of continual thankfulness for all the Lord has blessed me with. My spirit should be lifted up to the Lord every moment of the day, drinking in all the beauty and the blessings around me, praising the Giver of every good gift.
And I'll tell you what, the moment I choose to give thanks, the burden lifts. It's insane. My perspective changes. I choose to give thanks that God has already covered the things I worry about. I choose to give thanks for the thousands of good things God has given me, that I am truly not entitled to. I choose to give thanks in advance for the blessings that are to come, even if I can't see them.
Dad, Mom, me & Ann at our first wedding shower!
Thank you, Lord, for all that you bless me with, the good and the "bad," the easy and the hard. Thank you for my fiancé, who loves me so well and sticks by me even when I'm not such a joy to be around. Thank you that we're learning how to communicate and love each other better. Thank you that I have a job and a roof over my head. Thank you that you've place children in front of me who need someone to love them and care for them. Thank you for a wonderful family and a wonderful new family that I get to be a part of too. Thank you for my health! Thank you for sweet friends around me who are so supportive and encouraging. Thank you for loving me even through my ugly moments. You are good, all the time.
-S
