One year ago today...

One year ago today, I stepped out of a plane and on to Guatemalan soil.

One year ago today, I threw my giant backpack on top of a taxi van and awkwardly squashed myself inside with 20 or so Americans I barely knew.

One year ago today, I tossed my cookies on that taxi van in front of 20 or so Americans I barely knew.

Welcome to the World Race. (I get carsick.)

Who was I a year ago today? I was scared to death. I was mourning the distance between my family and me. I was thrilled for adventure. I was awkward around my new squad mates. I was so naive.

I had not a clue what I was getting myself into. Not a clue. We drove through the winding mountain hills from Guatemala City to Antigua. I unpacked in my very first hostel, Mochileros (Which means “Backpackers”). I slept in my sleeping bag that night for fear of all the crazy Central American germs and bed bugs. I made clumsy attempts to get to know my two roommates.

Could I have known that soon hostels would become an oasis in the desert for me?

A bed? Praise the Lord!

A (possibly) hot shower that isn’t from a bucket? Hallelujah!

A chance to be reunited and hang out with 50 of the most awesome, hilarious, faithful people I’ve ever known? Give me more!

During our launch training, our teams were asked to create a video project depicting “What a World Racer Looks Like, Acts Like, and Lives Like.” Ohhh, how very naïve we were… (and ridiculously bad at video-making)

I feel like I hardly know that person in the video. I feel light-years away from her. To say I am transformed almost seems like and understatement. I can scarcely sum up the ways that I changed this year or try to tell you who I am today, but I’ll give it a shot.

My heart has been broken. I can’t see the people the same way. When I see someone who is homeless or hungry or begging on the street, I can’t walk on by like I used to. I heart aches to do something about it. I have to make a difference. I have to show them God’s love somehow.

My eyes have opened. Americans, crazily enough, aren’t the only ones in the world. And the world doesn’t revolve around us. And it isn’t about us and how we can make ourselves into the most beautiful, successful, loved, perfect human beings. It’s not about us at all. There’s a whole world of people out there (who look not a thing like the American ideal) who God created, He absolutely adores, and He believes are beautiful, valuable, and perfect.

My faith has grown. And grown and grown and grown. I don’t see God the same way. He is so much BIGGER than I could even fathom. He is so much more compassionate and graceful and patient with me than I ever knew. He is beyond faithful to his children—He is beyond faithful to me, and He is beyond faithful to Emerson in Nicaragua, Pbee Mai in Thailand, and Magdalene in Kenya. He is with us until the end.

 God used these last 365 days to change me. A whole lot. And so, obviously, I’m not the same Sydney who left a year ago. And it’s going to take some time to figure out how to be the “new” Sydney in this “old” place. So I need grace. I need prayer. I need love. I am beyond grateful for an amazing family, precious friends, and faithful fiancé who are helping me through. But even when I don’t feel like “myself,” I just need to be reminded that (like we said almost every day in Africa) God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.